names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
