I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
