The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
