this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize