i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
