she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
