life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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