new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
