"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
