she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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