basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize