You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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