Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
