Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
