I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just had sex bonerless
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
