The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
