I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
