I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
