I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
