we have officially lost it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
