I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
