Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
