I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
