I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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