You really coming over, don't trick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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