went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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