I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
