guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
