Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
