I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
