i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
