I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
