one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
