I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
