I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
