he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
