You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
