My liver just broke up with me...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
