God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
