Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want a musical about memes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
