you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
