You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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