Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
