im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
