This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
