my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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