Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
