I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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