1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
