My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
