I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize