I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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