I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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