Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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