If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
