Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
