yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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