if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
