So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
