he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
