i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
