he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize