i don't like sucking hair
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
