Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
