sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
