Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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