just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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