I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
