I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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