...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
