i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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