I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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