Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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