Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
