Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A+ Viking dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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