First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
