so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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