At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize