im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
