we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
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