my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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