I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
