my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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