I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
