yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
