Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
