haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize