I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
