i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
