If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
