I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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