Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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