You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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