True but thats because hes a fetus.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
