What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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