it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
