she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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