He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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