I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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