He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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