i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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