Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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