She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
